Congratulations on your new show Asia Uncut.  I could barely imagine how immensely exhilarating it must be to move from playing Tigger in Disneyland to head of Walt Disney International Asia Pacific to President of Electronic Arts in Asia Pacific, to now hosting your own talk show.

From your Bio (the picture links are not working, by the way), you’ve spent the last 11 years here in Asia. It must have been an incredible 11 years since Asia has given so much to you, a world apart from your growing years in Illinois and working in a theme park.

I’ll be brutally honest here.  I hate your show.  Watching your show makes me want to slit my wrist and pour the entire contents of my cheap 95-cents bag of china-made salt into my wound.  I hate how your set is decorated in tacky, western-imagined asian motifs.  I hate how of all the talented people in Asia who could possibly host a show called Asia Uncut, you the producer, picked yourself.

It says here that you were inspired by Johnny Carson and you’ve been wanting to produce a Tonight Show-style format for us Asians.  Ever wondered why in the many years of Television here, there’s nothing like it here?  Could it be because it’s not a format that never worked?  Ever watched anything on TV other than CNN and Disney?  If not, maybe you should.  Believe me, even in Shanghai where you live, there are shows that feature international celebrities – just not in the format you like, I suppose.

Edward Said once said that Western knowledge of the East is generated from imagined constructs that everything eastern are fundamentally the same.  Did you think that decorating your set like this could pass off as “Asian”?  Are those little chinese stone lions, the japanese Maneki Neko on your table and the indian-inspired armchair all part of your collective notion of what’s Asian?  I think you might have gone off at a tangent here.  I believe Asian identity in this day and age is no longer just represented by these – we are a lot more international than when you first stepped foot here 11 years ago.  In fact, I don’t even believe it was ever represented to this extent.  I suggest you fire your set designer because I find your notion of “Asian” is nothing more than a stereotypical cliché, made worse by the fact it’s a show with a caucasian host.

Which brings me to you, the host.  I choose to believe you had good intentions with the show.  I’m just unsure why you, the producer, would think a Gwai Lo would make a good host for this show.  Yes, I know it’s probably your childhood dream to have your own talk show and I guess if you were still in America you would probably have no chance because there’s so many like you.  Did you seriously think that we really want to watch a caucasian hosting a show called “Asia Uncut”?  Do you think American viewers in USA would watch a show in primetime called “America Uncut”, hosted by an Asian?  I didn’t think so.

There’s nothing wrong with adopting a Western format for Asian television.  In fact, many of such formats have proved to be very successful.  Take a look at Amazing Race Asia, for example, at least it had an Asian host.  Would I watch Amazing Race Asia if there’s a caucasian host with caucasian guests?  I have a few suggestions for you.  You could either call it “The Tonight Show with Jon Niermann” (but you might get your white ass sued for copying the format), or you should just call it “Expat uncut” because I think new expats in Asia might find the Orientalism all sooooo novel.

I may not be an expert in television nor do I have your years of experience.  But as an Asian viewer that fits right into Star World’s target demographic, I find your show lame by any standards.  I’m sorry but just because it’s filmed in Asia, has a part-Asian crew with a set dressed in Asian motifs and some Asian guests doesn’t make it Asian.  I recommend you step out of your expat circle and get attuned to what’s truly Asian.  Perhaps you should try eating organs for starters.  Most Asians in Asian countries eat organs in one form or another, but I’m sure you know that already since you’re the host of Asia Uncut.

I wish you all the best in your latest endeavor in Asia.  I may not like your show, but I’m sure there are other Asians who do.  If not, at least you have the expats.

The saga continues.

According to autosport.com, Red Bull now thinks that static from the MRT caused Webber’s gearbox to malfunction, causing him to lose the race. Team principal Christian Horner was quoted as saying:

It was exactly what [Toro Rosso] suffered from with (Sebastien) Bourdais in Friday practice, at exactly the same place. A tram line runs beneath the track at that corner and it seems as if static from a passing tram at the very moment Mark was in the corner passed through the ground.

SMRT has rebutted this claim by saying:

1. There is no train passing under Turn 13 where the incident occurred.
2. The nearest train was 200 meters away.
3. The train was at a depth of 10 meters.
4. Train wheels and rails are made of metal and thus don’t generate static electricity during operation.

Time for a quick science lesson for Mr. Horner:

Every atom and molecule in everything around us are electrically balanced, meaning they have the same number of positive and negative charges, or if you prefer, protons and electrons.  Some matter hold on to their electrons better than others and the order of their charge separation is reflected in their position on the Triboelectric Series. Human hands are highly positive and metals like steel carry virtually no charge.

When two non-conducting materials come together, a chemical bond known as adhesion happens and depending on the triboelectric properties of the material, one matter might capture some of the loose electrons of the other – causing a charge to build up.  When this happens, an imbalance occurs.  Nature hates imbalances so upon contact with something uncharged, it’ll discharge and restore itself.  

So for static electricity to build up, one needs to be positively charged and one needs to be negatively or not charged.  Rubbing your hands together will not produce static electricity.  Steel against steel will not produce static electricity.  

Back to topic, even if there was static electricity at Turn 13, I doubt any would have traveled into the race car and screw up the gearbox because the rubber tyres would have conducted that.  

In conclusion, I don’t think it’s scientifically possible for a Train to produce static electricity.  Even if by some unexplained possibility that it did, it couldn’t have gone through 10 meters of tar and road 200 meters away and managed to discharge onto a vehicle with rubber tyres.

Good try Mr Horner.  If you’re so sure it’s the static, then open up your gear box and show the damage.  Prove what you said had actually happened and maybe I might believe you. 

I wonder who’s the next losing team that will point fingers at Singapore again.