Were you feeling a little ignored the past couple of months?
I’m sorry. I can almost empathize with how you feel but by this point in the post, I realize your inanimate feelings probably can’t be compared to what I’ve been fighting with inside.
Truth is, I’m never good at expressing myself freely, in words or in any other form. That could be because I tend to self-censor because the words comes out. Sometimes I would think something, but only half that thought is verbalized. The other half is in that trash bin docked in my mind’s OS X, waiting to be emptied.
And it’s also worse when I know that I can’t be totally open writing here for various reasons already mentioned earlier.
A dear friend told me I should actually start another side-blog just as an outlet for these thoughts. I’ve been contemplating it, but I feel a little bad because we’ve been in this relationship for the past 3 years. Yes yes, I’m pretty darn capable of cheating, given my history since I left blogspot and started us.
You could say I’m making excuses, again.
That’s why I’ve decided to bring a notebook and pen to Borneo with me on friday instead of the laptop. I’ll have a lot of time to think and write, hopefully by a beach bar somewhere in the evenings with a beer in hand. I hope to at least pen some concrete steps for the next few months, and maybe even longer. I hope to also write (or draw diagrams) of all the swirling thoughts in my head so I’m clearer as to what is more important.
I’ll read it all out to you when I’m back. See you on 26th.
now, it wasn’t that bad la. I do enjoy reading yr gibberish you know. Like this piece, I like it. But I do agree on the part about not being able to write openly and freely. I struggle with that a lot and have considered a side-blog too. But then I thought, what’s the point of writing if no one reading them really cares anyway. anonymity provides a clean canvas for freedom of expression. yet the reason we write is because of a need to be heard and known. expression is only an illusion if there is “no self”. maybe you can try using the password protected feature, like i did. that way, only selected people has access.
a notebook, pen and beer by the beach bar sounds like a refreshing change. before blogs existed, that was how i did it. a beer and a nice shady spot wasn’t always available though.
anyways, have a good trip.
I also don’t want to end up with so many blogs I can’t keep up.
Glad you find my writings occasionally amusing
Trip will be good, I hope it helps to clear my mind. I could really use some clarity.