Around this time last year, I was stuck in a terrible rut. I was severely depressed, going from one bad mood swing into another and getting myself into an extremely sticky situation that I thought would bring me to ruin. I was utterly, miserably lost and consumed in my own darkness.
Then, a close friend whom I love dearly fought to get me out of this rut. Despite all the grief that I burdened her with and despite all the hurt, she believed that I can snap out of it. She knew I had to even when my mind was caught in the web of self defeat and denial.
Tonight as I was on my way home from the airport in a smelly taxi, John Mayer’s “In Repair” played on my random playlist. I remember I promised her then that this would be the song I sing to myself everyday as I recover from depression and find myself again.
Many things have changed since then. Almost one year has passed and now, we hardly even have time to catch up as much as we used to anymore. Despite how we seemed to have drifted apart living our own lives, this song will always be a reminder of how selflessly kept me strong. She gave me the strength and encouragement that it’s not impossible restart my life on a blank slate. She nurtured me when I needed it the most.
As Johnny boy sang,
And now i’m walking in a park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me.
If you’re reading this, I want you to know that I miss you dearly and I’m truly grateful for how you smacked some sense into me. I’m better now because of you. I hope you’ll find me again.
*h*
you are a blessed man to have such a friend. some of us live half our life in need of someone to “smack some sense into us”. some wander the desert of loneliness where tendency towards despair and self-pity is exacerbated when they find indifference staring at them. all because they do not have a friend who is willing to walk with them. a true friend is good for the soul.
Funny thing is I’m not even sure if she’ll ever read this.
Thank you, I feel truly blessed and I only hope someday she will look for me when she needs a hand.
why wait hoping she’ll read this. why not just drop her a note.
Hey, just found out that you write! I love this entry. Reminds me of the one true friend that I’ve known for 20 years now. We’re blessed creatures, to have people like them in our lives. I’ll pray she comes look for you one day.
We are indeed. Even if she doesn’t come around again, I’m glad she’s been my guardian angel when I needed one the most.